"The Internet is not something you just dump something on. It's not a big truck. It's a series of tubes. And if you don't understand those tubes can be filled and if they are filled, when you put your message in, it gets in line and it's going to be delayed by anyone that puts into that tube enormous amounts of material, enormous amounts of material."
- Ted Stevens, US Senator (more about the quote)
- Ted Stevens, US Senator (more about the quote)
Today Google fulfills Mr. Stevens' expectations and releases Google TiSP, "a free in-home wireless broadband service that delivers online connectivity via users' plumbing systems. The Toilet Internet Service Provider (TiSP) project is a self-installed, ad-supported online service that will be offered entirely free to any consumer with a WiFi-capable PC and a toilet connected to a local municipal sewage system."
If you sign up for the package, you'll get a kit that includes "a spindle of fiber-optic cable, a TiSP wireless router, installation CD and setup guide. Home installation is a simple matter of GFlushing the fiber-optic cable down to the nearest TiSP Access Node, then plugging the other end into the network port of your Google-provided TiSP wireless router."
The price you'll have to pay is installing a special version of Google Toolbar that analyzes your outpoot. "To offset the cost of providing the TiSP service, we use information gathered by discreet DNA sequencing of your personal bodily output to display online ads that are contextually relevant to your culinary preferences, current health status and likelihood of developing particular medical conditions going forward."
Google provides all the details of the installation, but it also offers professional help: "an army of factory-trained, sub-contracted nanobots from the TiSP Access Node. The nanobots travel with exhilarating nano-speed through the sewer system and into your home to perform the installation service, which should be complete within 15 minutes."
Unfortunately, it's only available in the US and Canada, but it's a clever way to bring free WiFi to every home in the world. After all, the infrastructure is already there.